19th June - Envy

I don't know what I want.
I couldn't bear to let myself possibly ruin something so beautiful.

My affinity is so much worse.
It seems like I'm always part of the trio that always becomes a duo and me.

I'm part wishing that why couldn't it stay as it was, and part of me wishes that I was part of that duo.

I'm so conflicted. I don't want to risk anything, I don't want to ruin anything, but I yearn.
Even more so when I know it's not me. Like the whims of a selfish douchebag white fedora-toting kid.
I'm pathetic. I don't want anyone to know I have thoughts like this. It would creep out anyone.

I-
fuck I'm so bitter now.
I just have some time alone to stir in the self-destruction.
I'm such a depressed greedy self-pitying fuck. I hate myself.