29th November - Countdown

I have no idea how to pack my bag. How many sets of clothes do you bring to a 10-degree celsius country for 12 days? I just stuffed a whole bunch of clothes in the bag then I realized that most of my jackets are hoodies and you can't wear hoodies over hoodies DD:

I don't think we can finish the Final Year Project by tomorrow. Hell, we're hella far away. The programming teacher can nag us all he wants, we're going as fast as we can and there's no way we can go any faster than this right now. Sorry that we don't want to make draft models for you because the time spent doing draft models we could spend on making that full model. Not that he understands. Suppose that's why he's a programmer. On our side I think we're making good progress though. We're just behind.

Me and Zi Sheng had a talk with the Noodle Store brudda today. Tomorrow's the last day we're seeing him before the move to the new Ang Mo Kio campus (since it's not confirmed if he'll still be there), and we just had a bit of small talk. He shared a bit of wisdom on trips to Hong Kong, on girls, and teasing on how Shirleen keeps bugging me. But... man, even though we didn't talk about anything really important, it was really the first time I've talked to him face-to-face instead of over a shop counter. And if he doesn't make it to Ang Mo Kio, I'll really miss him. And his noodles. So far, I haven't tasted a bowl of Wanton Noodles better than his XD

If I hadn't left class right away today, maybe Zuhayr and the rest may have gone to watch Rurouni Kenshin. And I wouldn't have been able to go because of Latin Dance. Which I only went for like, 20 minutes before leaving when class was over. Totally no point. I'm starting to really dread Latin Dance.

Ehhhh... Nothing deep today. I think a lot of things might happen tomorrow. Hmm.

28th November - Time Aside

I didn't post yesterday cos' I was at the airport meeting Tommy, I got back at 2AM and conked out.
Anyway, yeah. Tommy visited from Korea! Haven't seen that idiot in so long!! Me, Darren and Eugene got some placards and wrote stuff on them like 'Go back to Korea' and 'I'm pregnant and it's yours', contrary to the typical lovey-fangirl shit that regular fangirls would right. Once he saw them he told us to cut it out cos' we were embarrassing him, hahaha! But damn, my Hong Kong trip's on Monday. Didn't know it came so fast. And Tommy's only gonna be here for 2 weeks, and I'm flying off in a couple of days, I don't even get to hang with him that much because of school. Fuck! And I have to juggle Latin Dance too! God dammit! Now I'm starting to regret that Hong Kong trip. It seems like everyone's suddenly free within the time period that I'm going to Hong Kong, and they're all asking me out and I have to refuse them all. Why didn't you all ask me out when I was bloody free?!! Now I have to carefully, carefully manage my schedule so I can spend as much time as I can with each group. Have to turn down some, have to pick up some, and I have to fit it all nicely. I have no idea what to do anymore. I haven't even started packing!

Final Year Project's a pain too. We are so behind schedule. I highly doubt I can finish much by the end of this week before I fly off. I'm really kinda worried now. As a leader, I'm a failure for delegating tasks that wasted time. I feel real guilty and pissed at myself. Now I just can't afford to fuck around anymore. But it's hard to stay serious because the guys around me are noisy. I got used to Shirleen and the bunch on my left, but Colin sitting behind me with his unnecessary commentary and his irritating airy laugh really gets on my nerves, even through earphones. I'm just... just... RRRRRGGHHHHH

Well, I didn't make it to Latin Dance practice today because I got caught in the terrible storm after hanging out at Tommy's house playing games. Me, Tommy and Darren just sitting around playing games and screaming. These are good times.

26th November - Shivering

Some events happened last night, I don't really want to disclose. Basically a squabble over a small matter, then some words were thrown... I've found out I have a trauma of some sort.

It's words that pertain to uselessness or being a parasite. Whenever I hear words like that thrown at me I get this really dark feeling well up inside me and expand really quick. I'd feel extremely down, my fingertips would start tingling and my hands itself would shake. Back when I was in Secondary 3 I was called those words a lot, so it seems whenever I hear them I get brought back to that depression period. I hate it.

I couldn't sleep last night, so today was a real challenge to get through. Even now, my eyes are half-shut. Shirleen, Shi Hui, Zhi Xian and the rest got me a second surprise present. Which was the bag they promised before. Double. The. Surprise. OMG. It's so badass, a shark bag. I had one of those back in Secondary School but it tore when I had an argument with the discipline master. But this seems pretty damn sturdy, and it's purdy damn comfortable. The only issue is that it's unnecessarily big, but I'm sure I'll find some use for it. I wish I could've shown more emotion at the sight of it but I was way too tired and depressed to react.

May was really late for Latin Dance today. Man, I don't even like Latin Dance. She likes it even more than me and she's late. Like what. Why am I still in Latin Dance? A wise man said that doing 2 things you dislike a day is good for the soul. Latin Dance is one of them, I guess. I don't particularly enjoy myself, and I still fear touching females, so...

I reached home and I'm smiling and acting nice, but inside I'm still hurting, still angry, still depressed. But I don't want to give my mom any more trouble. She's been raising us alone all this while. Even if she's the one making me feel useless, I'm just going to have to act out a good boy in front of her. It's... the least I could do.

25.5

I can't sleep. Some events happened.

I'm losing my mind. I hope I wake up and read this and think it was stupid to post this.

25th November - In Comparison

Jamming again with the guys only! It's the guys-out jamming day! The 14-year old girls couldn't come so it was a sausage fest jamming session.

I went to Darren's house first so he can teach me bass tabs. I kinda ended up just fiddling with my bass and getting my fingers sore. Ever since Darren pointed out I was off-tune yesterday I've been noticing I'm... really off-tune. I am so disappointed with myself. Anyway, we headed to the Bugis jamming studio, where we played The Beginning over and over again, then Wherever you Are once, and Re:Make once, then The Beginning again. We're almost getting that down perfectly XD But lack of strong vocals is screwing us over. Today, Vincent sang, but... Well, he's... low. I mean, I really want him in the band, but I can't think of what he could do, since Natasha's vocals beat him on every front. He'd have to train his pitch and power a lot more to make up for it. I'm no vocals expert, so I really shouldn't be commenting or nothing, but it's easy for him to get drowned out by the instruments because he's so low D: Darren would make for great vocals but he can't multi-task, and I can't even though I know the tunes and shit because I'm so off-tune. Just choosing low songs for him isn't a great solution either, because there aren't a lot of low-tune songs... Mmmghhh...
Kenji brought his drummer friend as well, and he's better than Andy in keeping in rhythm even though he just listened to The Beginning 15 minutes before he played.

I feel so bad for my friends. I really want to support them, but I have to admit skill-wise they have their asses handed to them. I can't even begin to imagine how they feel. Maybe when a pro bassist comes down and takes my place I'll feel it too. Wonder how much they'll improve after today... Our band has a lot of improvement to do before we can go pro... Shit...

I bought the coolest jacket from Darren, but it's too small. Fuck my life. I don't know what to do.

24th November - Cinderella

And last night I was all 'I am going to blog before I sleep tonight. I will. Not. Forget. ZZZZZZzzzZ".

Anyway, today I went out for jamming. And before I stepped out I was in one of those really lazy I-don't-want-to-get-out-of-the-house moods. But I had to. Being in the band I'm obligated to be there for jamming even though I suck so badly on my bass T_T If I was better I probably won't dread it so much but man, instruments are hard to learn... I mean, sure, Darren guided me through some of the bass tabs and crap, but I can't learn that fast. I don't know how he gets those magic ears and fingers of his. Then again, my drawing skills should be where my skill points went lol. A new skill I learned about myself, is that my off-tune singing is SO off-tune, that it harmonizes perfectly with Natasha's voice. Liek wow. As much as I am proud I am also upset Q_Q I can't sing.

I left my phone in the car before I left for jamming today. First time I left something behind in a long time. Got sooooo pissed off with myself that I wanted to tweet about it but I couldn't without my phone HAHAHA. I got it back quickly afterwards though, so all's good.

After jamming I went for the Cinderella play at ACJC with Natasha and Phoebe. It was a hard choice between going to Darren's house or this, but I decided that I haven't seen Adri in a long time, I should go see him. And wow, watching plays from the audience side is really different from being backstage. The story itself was cheesy, but I was really impressed by the effort put into the show. All the coordination and the like. Even Adri was soaked in sweat when I went to see him after the play was over. He seems to be doing pretty well. Popular, especially with the girls. I could only get out a 'hi WHASSUP' before I got swallowed by the crowd.
Everyone's progressing really far ahead, and I'm still pretty lost on what to do. Bugger.

22nd November - Vaccination

I had my influenza vaccination today. Man, this is some hype stuff. Gave me a high for a good hour or so. Today, Shirleen, Zuhayr and I journeyed from school to Bedok to get our flu jabs for the Hong Kong trip. It was soooooo awkward. Thing being because: All three of us communicate better in groups. We leech off the conversation. We live off it. We pick at parts of it, twist it around, turn it into a joke, keep the flow going. We're not the kind that start conversations. We just contribute. And that's why the bulk of this trip was... unfortunately, really silent. And awkward. Oh boy, what an exciting Hong Kong trip this will be XD

Final Year Project is really picking up in the need for us to speed up. Gah, I'm wrecking my brain in delegating tasks properly, and I still have to deal with my own shit. Given to anyone else they probably would've blown out by now. It's nice being in charge but for my brain to be working at this speed all the time is really, really exhausting. Wait, I think I've mentioned this before already... Ah, bugger. So I gotta make a list of animations, I gotta splice a sample animation, I gotta install a programming software for easier testing, I gotta design menu screens... Don't ever take Game Design for granted, people. And stop pirating. We Game Designers go through so much shit you normal people can't even fecking imagine.

As for Latin Dance, I'm still being grinded through the steps. With Kenji out of commission, the responsibility of shouldering the name of the club during the CCA roadshow lies on me. And so, every day of my week afterschool has been taken up by Latin Dance. And my weekends have been taken up by the band wanting to rehearse for EOY even though I won't be there. Oh god... My schedule's so packed...

Just thinking about all this as I type makes me feel so drained.

I need to vent. I need to vent so bad.

21st November - Gynephobia

Yeaaaaah, I thought I was forgetting something. I forgot to post yesterday.

There's a war brewing in my class. I think. Zhiyin's group and her band of malays, together with Jun Cheng's group of ah bengs against Shirleen and her band of merry, happy-go-lucky immature peeps (occasionally I'm included). Now, I hate conflict, I really do. But I do sincerely think that Zhiyin has gotten a lot bitchier over the course of the year, after she started talking in memes and then started picking up meenarep mannerisms. Whereas Jun Cheng, as much as I respect him as a fellow artist, I do feel he's being too harsh on people who can't keep up with the world that people of our skill level are in. And in Shirleen's group we've kinda gossiped about them, not in a derogatory way but in a... observational way, based on the them of now and them of what they used to be when the class used to peaceful and everyone was friends. And they think that we're firing missiles and they should start firing back even though all we've been doing is a bit of banter. *sigh* The classroom's air is so tense, I don't like this at all.

I got a surprise present from the Shirleen faction though. A Twister set for my belated birthday present! I've never played Twister before so... wow! But they really got me all hyped up for a Shark Bag, then they surprised me with this. I mean, I love this present, but after making me expect a bag so much and then giving me a Twister set, I can't help but be both super happy and disappointed at the same time. I'm so boggled by my own emotions XD

In Latin Dance, I've to train for the CCA Roadshow, and being the only guy who's in a stable enough position to be there on the day, I've been grinded through so much practice. I can remember moves just fine, but I have this fear of touching women. Not severely, but I get really... uncomfortable. Like really self-conscious-like. It's a real problem T_T Damn you all-boys schools!

19th November - Futility

There was school today. And I resolved myself to not do anything for the whole day. No work, even though I was mentally beating myself up for being unproductive. No playing games for the intention of clearing them or being pro. My whole day HAD to consist of me being utterly fucking useless.

Well, I did finish my website for Game Packaging Design but... eh.

I just read from Bartender that sometimes, a little futility is good for the soul. And it worked. The urge to do work built up inside me so much that I realize it was the urge out of duty. I forgot why I took up this course to begin with again. And now that I know, I am psyched for tomorrow. Something I haven't felt in a long time. I picked up Game Design because I wanted to be a Game Designer. Because I enjoy creating games. I'm not slaving away at my Final Year Project for results or because the teachers are bugging me for progress. It's because I want to. I want to make something nice. Something fun. I forgot how to have fun with what I was doing and I ended up being a robot. That's why the past week I had been feeling so lost when doing work.

So hooray for futility! Yay! Restoring all my spirit points or something, I dunno XD
Sometimes, you have to stop and just drop whatever you're doing and just stay in the moment. A little bit of nothing helps to guide you back in place.

It's 2AM, I'm probably still gonna be late for school though. But heck. I'm ready to do work, and not out of obligation this time. It's because I enjoy it. WOOHOOOOO!
I have this hunch I may be cockblocking someone's love attempt for an upcoming overseas trip but I'm not sure. I've never been very good with the whole 'love' thing, density and everything. Uhmm...

18th November - Wastage

It looks like I'm pissy today too. Today started out relatively alright, I guess. I slept in, got rushed out of bed by Darren and Vincent reaching AMK Hub already, so I had to wake my sis up and wait for her too. We went for Kbox, which was pretty awesome since now a ONE OK ROCK song was in the system: The Beginning. Played it like 3 times throughout the session.

Then Darren left, and we decided to go home. But my sister needed an ID Photo for her work, and I told her that she could just take a photo of herself and print it out, and paste it. But noooo, she had to insist on using an ID Photo Booth and waste money. Not only that, because of her stupid decision, we missed the bus too. FUCKING PISSED OFF. Not only did you waste money, but time as well?! Wastage really, really, REALLY ticks me off!!!

I don't really like dissing anyone, but my sister is really, really stupid. I really don't understand how stupid people think. They make dumb decisions, insist its sensible, and even after getting bad results from it, they'd still do it again in the future. What the hell! I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I think the line between stupid and smart (or not stupid) is quite clearly drawn. And even if you're capable of much faster, clearer, and more logical thought processes, it's almost impossible to imagine how to stupid person thinks.

Oh god, I sound like Felicia.

And I was grumpy for the rest of the day. I started having this suspicion that Vincent's only my best friend because he wants to get close to my sister. I know it's bad thinking this way, and distrusting him, but it just started nagging me after today. I just... Maybe I'm just paranoid.
... Maybe I just need a break. I wish that Hong Kong trip would come sooner...

17th December - Empathy

Today my dad's side of the family was celebrating the 16-year olds' O-Levels being over, so they invited all of us. I'm actually a lot closer to my cousins on my dad's side than my mom's because I grew up with them, but after the divorce I never got to see them much, so whenever there's a rare reunion celebration they call and really urge us to come. Which, of course, I don't really mind, but my mom tends to get a bit ticked off.

There wasn't actually much to do there though. I drank a can of beer and ate a bit of nasi lemak, and it was pretty boring since everyone's kinda grown up and matured :'( I miss the times back when we are all kiddie and immature and I was the leader of the band of midgets and we'd just play and shit. It's not all bad, though. Once Pamela came, things got a bit better. She's one-year older than me, and amongst all the other cousins, she's probably the one I'm closest to because after me, the next age gap is two years. Yeaaaah, I'm second oldest amongst us XD Started to chat a bit, then stopped once my mom introduced Worldventures to all the aunts and uncles, and we sat there awkwardly for quite awhile. Then I brought up Latin Dance, and the aunts got interested, particularly since Aunt Serene, Pamela's mom, and Aunt Brenda, her twin sister, did latin dance. And Pamela picked it up quite recently so she was pretty eager. Although I was more experienced I had barely any idea what to do because I totally forgot all my routines D: But luckily Pamela didn't know much either or I would've been really embarrassed.

When Jason came back from work we got to see quite a show of Aunt Brenda just interrogating him about everything during his day. Poor guy, he's had it rough with a mom that wants to baby him and cover every aspect of his life. Once he left the living room me and the rest of the aunts gave some advice to her. I got praised for being able to read people well and they said I should be a psychologist *w* butgamedesign

The day ended and we left. Mom seemed happy that I got praised so much by everyone. LOL

16th November - Boiling Point

I missed a day again. Damn it.

Today really pissed me off. Every time I create something for the Final Year Project, Shirleen or Justin have to comment on it. "It looks weird." "It's gay." "It's so ugly." And then they don't really tell me anything else. It'd be much nicer, I mean, if they actually did point out where it sucked, or suggested a part for me to improve on (even if I might disagree at first but it may come out nicer in the end). Okay, maybe I can't expect that out of Shirleen, but Justin. Oh god, that fecker this ticks me way off. I got him in my group cos' he's skilled, but Jesus Christ, he is whiny as hell. He's just finding every damn opportunity to snark at me just because he can. Even if the moment's inappropriate or even if the conversation doesn't even remotely involve me, he'd childishly call names. Or even if I'm not even talking to him he'd shout over. And he gloats every chance he gets. I know I shouldn't let such immature actions get to me or piss me off, and they say that guys' friendships are built on insults (although not tasteless, childish ones like these), but I'm not in the mood! I haven't been so annoyed at people in quite a while. Just... GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! FUCKING HELL!

I don't like being angry. I don't know why, but I can't seem to find it in me to get openly angry so I can vent. It just bottles up inside and I feel like exploding, but I'm indifferent on the outside. I suppose they call this 'silent anger'?

*sigh* I guess I'm just in a bad mood today, or maybe I'm just stressed out. Having to think ahead for the other members of my team because they won't do it themselves takes quite a toll on me. It'd actually be nicer if I could share these worries with someone, but I don't want to trouble anyone with my petty burdens either. Guess there's only you, blog-baby (._.)

14th November - Work and Play

I really really really hate it when I'm the only one taking work seriously. I'm the only guy sitting at my computer, focusing my mind totally in my work, totally in my zone, blocking out those brainy parts that control conversation and emotion and shit, and just 100% think about my work and sitting here being a boring motherfecking asshole, but getting stuff done. Then there's people around me who're just fucking around. Like Shirleen stop chatting with Zhi Xian and do work for fecking crying out loud. And Zhi Xian  you faggot stop coming here and distracting her with pointless shit when there's work to be done. And what the feck are you doing playing Pokemon behind me Darren go do your shit. You can all play in Game Packaging Class. Nobody listens in Game Packaging Class. Even I play Zelda and the bloody hard Ikaruga in Game Packaging Class. Come on take Final Year Project seriously GRAAAAAAGH WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID

Did you know that working together with people decreases your IQ because part of your brain is used for communication and things like 'how you look like to other people' rather than giving all the power to doing work? I find that I really hate people. Like, I hate everyone. I hate people. Just that there are some people I hate more. That's all. If it weren't for the rain I would've so hanged out at the rooftop for the whole of lunch. Even though no one is supposed to go to rooftop but occasionally someone leaves the gate open and I sneak up there and it's dirty and there's a noisy machine thing but there are NO PEOPLE and it's like paradise to my mind. It's so weird how I'm lonely but at the same time I just don't want people to fecking bother me.

Apparently Vincent has met with the long time not seen Ignatious and he has no good friends as well so now we can hang out together WOOHOO

And driving is starting to get boring once you figure it out.

13th November - Contingency

Maaaaan, we were going to go to Kbox today but... Damn.
Me and Vincent invited Phoebe, Darren and Tania. Midway through Darren said he had work and Tania could only make it later, while Phoebe, without her phone, was uncontactable. We were bummed out during the morning, when good news arrived! They all could make it, and Phoebe called me with her house phone so we at least know where we can find her lol

But we couldn't go to Kbox because we couldn't use the member card on public holidays, thus each person would have to pay like $27 if we really did go, so feck that idea. Turned Tania down because we thought we'd be going to Darren't house, but we ended up going all the way to Bras Basah to get Darren's IC printed for his job, then Dhoby Ghaut to play a bit of Counter Strike.

What got me bummer is that all these weren't my ideas. I'm so pathetic once my initial ideas get shot down. I never ever come up with a back up plan. And even ones I come up on the spot (going to Funan for shopping) get shot down by the rain. I suck at back up plans because I'm always so confident that the initial plan will always work out ( ._.)

Darren left for work and we left to hang out at Vincent's house. Shits, giggles, laughs. Mostly singing to Youtube at his house. Man why can't we all be the band's vocalists =3=

On the bus trip home I browsed through Facebook and realized a lot of peeps who went to AFA, those I met a long time ago through cosplay (but I haven't done it in forever) have improved leaps and bounds. And I'm still here, and I'm getting left behind. I don't want to get left behind. When did everyone get so far ahead? How do I catch up? These thoughts left a lingering, depressing feeling inside me tonight.

12th November - Behind the Wheel!

I woke up today feeling way lethargic despite my mind being pretty much awake. I'm thinking it's the aftereffects of the cigarettes the previous night. School kinda went as usual I guess. When I get into my work mode, I just don't feel like anything really matters. Shirleen was bothering me the whole day and for some reason I couldn't really be bothered to do anything back. Yeah.Work mode. So swag. I'm in mah work zone and you can't touch mah shit. I won't tolerate any fecking nonsense. Go back to your table Zhi Xian you're ruining my work chakra. Shirleen get your ass back to work. Everyone work. Work. Woooork.

Ever noticed how long people take to notice you're gone if you just sneak away? It just makes you feel really insignificant. I snuck away from the back of the group and no one seemed to notice I was gone so I left them. Then I went to take a huge dump. I don't usually take dumps outside of home but I was having a really bad stomachache. Tired myself out afterwards, in Game Packaging, when I couldn't muster up any energy to start on my Web Design HTML.Wish I brought the PS3 remote to school, now that I've figured how to use it on computers. Went out to buy Shi Hui's birthday present after that. And lots of gossip about our classmates. I agreed on someone and really disagreed on others. I'll say more in another post next time.

I had my first driver's lesson today. Oh god, driving is so fun. But it's so hard. Mom said it was like making the car a part of your body but FUCK THAT ITS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. You have to pay attention to so many fucking things at once it's terrible. I kept stalling the car and I had to reboot it over and over again. But after I got the hang of it, it was pretty fun just doing laps and changing gears. But I barely can pay attention to the things I'm doing, let alone pay attention to road signs and speeds. No wonder people get tickets. This is hard shit.

11th November - Anti-Masturbatory

Woke up surprisingly early today but still had no idea what to do with my time. It's not that I have nothing to do. It's just that I can't decide. I have games I want to complete, but if I play games I feel guilty that I'm not doing work, although I wouldn't do work even if I wasn't playing them, but just because of that in the end I end up doing nothing. Or in this case, sit my ass down and play S4 League. Because that's just what I do when I can't decide. End up with zero productivity because you can't beat an online game =3=

Vincent came over and we played a few games for a bit before we got bored of everything. My sister decided to omegle with us. By omegle, it's going on the site and webcamming with random people and shit. It's a lot easier if you're a girl, because only horny assholes go on there to look for girls, either to hit on and ask for tits or just to jack off. It's soooo sad lol

Took a break midway for a smoke. Firstly, I don't smoke. But I had a pack of cigarettes I bought way back to cheer up peeps but I never used it. Vincent doesn't smoke either, but we thought might as well have a smoke just for the sake of it. So we did. Walked to 7-11 way across the main road while occasionally coughing and spluttering. Bought a bottle of orange juice because we realized we had no money. Then walked back smoking another stick but spluttering less. Cigarettes suck. I don't understand why people even do it, other than the occasional smoke break. My head's pretty numb right now still and my hands stink. I don't like being not in control of my body. I do like drinking though. It's pretty unique how there're so many combinations and different kinds of alcohol, and how long it's preserved and all that shit. It's fascinating to me. Interest probably stemmed from Bar Oasis.

Omegling wasn't very fun. Sure, there's some shits and giggles, but I got better things to do with my time. Best part was stunning and stopping masturbators by saying their dicks are small though.

10th November - Knife Fight

Woke up at 5pm today. Probably cos' of staying up til' 10AM to do a Neo Team Plasma drawing. I had this dream where I was building a house on this plot of land, and some events earlier involved me helping my neighbour and him giving me a butterfly knife, a silver switchblade knife and a black switchblade knife, plus a taser and a shotgun the size of... one of those toy ones. But it did shoot. I vaguely remember killing something with it...

So... yeah, while building my house this punk Jun Cheng comes by and rustles through my bag and takes some of my shit. So I hit him and he buggers off for awhile. Then a while later he grabs the whole bag, stays there for a few seconds, then runs off, leaving me just enough time to grab on to one of the bag straps and stay in chase. He whips out the butterfly knife so I take out the black knife and engage in return. Manage to dodge and block everytime he swings at me while I slash him a few times (this all happens while we're running side-by-side). It's quite scary fighting a person who's not afraid of getting cut. And yeah, that thing where they said you need resolve to cut a person with a knife? You really do. Swinging a knife and cutting someone with it are two totally different things. Eventually I pin him to the wall with my dagger at his throat and I retrieve my stuff, but then he keeps coming for my stuff like some kind of kleptomaniac zombie, even at knifepoint and gunpoint. A few other events, before I wake up I realize my taser's gone from my back pocket. Really left me with an empty feeling as I woke up because I don't know where the hell it went. I really should have tased him earlier in the dream though >_>

Still. What an intense dream. I think it's because my heart was beating strangely fast when I was getting to sleep. I spent the rest of the day playing S4 League and feeling generally empty. I have no idea what to do...

Man, I am lonely.

9th November - Brown Lava

Today passed pretty blandly. I kinda woke up thinking it was 19th November and since my Final Year Project's due 30th November and all the things we haven't done, and all the unnecessary things that we've been doing flashed through my head.
It was like the first serious thinking I've done in awhile. Also an image of a HiChew appeared in my head and I had no idea why.

Rushed to school, remedied it, should... be alright. I still ended up not doing anything though lol
Texturing is a bitch. At least I've my full team back now.

After school (which ended early today, strangely), found out the gate to the rooftop of the school was open. Everyone else freaked out but I jumped at the chance to explore the only part of the school I haven't seen it. Grabbed Zi Sheng and dragged him up with me so I had an accomplice, BWAHAHAHA
There really was nothing up there though. In fact, it seemed like no one had been up there in... really long. Plants were growing, the floor had this whole layer of black dusty stuff. Even the ladder up there led up to... the top of a wall. Yeah there was no floor. There was just the top of the wall the ladder was mounted to. Totally pointless ladder. Damn, I should've jumped down to the roof of the floor below, that seemed like there would be a lot more to explore, although god knows how I would be able to get back if I did.
Was a disappointment overall, but no wonder they locked it up. Seemed like a nasty fall if you slipped off the edge.

Went home, played some Naruto Ninja Storm, got annoyed at my sister's inability to understand instructions to pirate, then parked myself in front of this computer and watched Best Friends Play.
I beat Bar Oasis 1.5. Finally I can start on Bar Oasis 2. Bar Oasis is the best fucking iOS game.

8th November - A Game

(oops forgot to post last night bugger)
I bought a game today. Which is fucking... Rare. Since I usually don't buy anything. Except food.

I was at the game shop today, and was looking through the games to compare prices and to see if there's anything worth pirating. And then I noticed this huge stack of games on the floor.
Wait, not stack. Stacks.

And... Okay, maybe I might've been imagining it, but it was like they were crying. It was so sad, seeing so many games abandoned by their owners. Sure, a few shelves of secondhand games' no problem, but stacks? On the floor?!

Wow I sympathise more with abandoned discs than abandoned animals I am so fucking weird.

But I bent down, searched through the stack, found a few good games, picked the cheapest one, Naruto ninja storm 2. Ehhhh, yeaaaa. We could use a multiplayer game anyway.

But what would get people to buy games over downloading? Hmm... Another food for thought for me.

7th November - Illness

And I missed two more days because I was sudden struck down with some bizarre illness. I think it's food poisoning or something.
First, I had terrible, constant waves of stomachaches that just wrecked my mind. It's not the sharp kinda pain, it's more of the long, dull, mind-numbing pains that you think don't really affect you much but once half an hour's over you find yourself begging for reprieve.
I tried to sleep it off, I woke up at 4am and took a dump but it still didn't go away. And then nausea. And then I threw it all up. All the pizza I had prior to the stomachache. I think that's the culprit, but no one else had stomachaches except me so I don't know what's going on. My left ear got blocked as I threw up too. Couldn't totally fall back asleep because not only was my left eardrum uncomfortably blocked, it also hurt, and the waves of nausea didn't stop coming either. Couldn't stay still on the bed, my body's limbs demanded to flail about every few seconds. It was so weird. I thought I was turning into a zombie LOL

Doc said that there was a blood clot in my eardrum that's causing a lot of my pain and blocked hearing, and he just gave me a lot of drugs to deal with everything else. Slept for most of the past few days because I couldn't muster up enough mental strength to really do anything else, let alone hold a conversation. And... well, yeah, woke up today with a clear mind (although it blanked again once I started doing schoolwork). Feel a lot better than the previous two days though. I'm still not in the right state to do my work at full speed, but I'm... trying.

But yay, some people missed me :D  Or maybe it's just because they missed their potential bother-target.

Got my provisional driver's license too. Awesome.
Hopefully I wake up tomorrow at full capacity and I can work at full speed.

4th November - Sleepy Day

Seems like every Sunday's a sleepy day. It's so odd.

Not much was accomplished today. I woke up. I played S4 League. I ate lunch. I slouched in my chair for most of the day wondering what to do.

Then I went to play Zelda: Twilight Princess. But I lost the disc. Fuck.

Then I went to play FFXIII for 2 hours. But I couldn't beat King Behemoth. Fuck.

Then Darren told me to play Counter Strike: Global Offensive. But I couldn't beat the Chinese. Fuck.

And now... uh...

I got a PayPal account. I thought I should start supporting other Creators like me instead of constantly pirating and stealing. And now that I have a debit card I actually can pay for stuff now. But I'm not sure if I did the signup process correctly. I'm a bit worried. Hopefully I didn't fill in anything that would suck all the money out of my bank account. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Well... yeah. This online transaction thing's a lot more complicated than I thought it'd be.

I still have to show restraint when buying games though. Even though I've saved up more than lots of my friends, I still have yet to hold a job. I just save money. So I'm still losing money. I can't recklessly spend. *sigh*

3rd November - Bowling Day!

Whoops, I missed a day because I went to Vincent's house to study my Driver's License but we ended up watching Sherlock and Louie before deciding that we'd go out with the band tomorrow and he ended up staying at my place and I didn't want to let him see me blog soooo...

Welp, today we went out with the band to go ice skating but... we missed the time to ice skate... so... yeah, so much for that. We ended up finding a jamming studio and then realizing all of us are really, really rusty cos' none of us have really been practicing. Gave that up, went for Bowling instead.

I feel bad making fun of Darren all the time. But I can't stop myself because it's so easy to twist everyone's words into a joke about his fats or his face. And he can't insult me back because he's not that good. I feel bad. I really do. But. Can't stop. Damn. But maybe he's feeling what I feel when Shirleen makes fun of me and I can't make fun of her back because I can't use the gay jokes I use on guys on her. Hmm... I suppose restraint is something I should start working on.

And Natasha said that it's not easy to talk with me.
Really? It is? Did she mean that as a joke? Was she serious? I-I-I don't know...
Q_Q If I really am hard to talk to... I... I... A-Am I hard to talk to?
This is very demoralizing. I want to be easy to talk to :(
What am I doing wrooooooooong D:

A bit of family politics here and there. Dad's side wants to invite my siblings and I over for a celebratory party but my mom's pissy that they only call us over whenever it's convenient for them and any other time they don't give half a fuck. Guess I've to stick with my mom on this one.

1st November - The Amazing Race

We finished the first checkpoint in a flash because it was right next to the start point. But hell started right on the second. Our team couldn't figure out the puzzle (neither did shitloads of people) so we ended up running and sprinting around the school following the misguided directions of the many helpers and wasted away half the time.

Ended up running throughout the whole race to make up for it. Man, my legs are sore! Cleared 3 more stations, we were so gonna lose.
Then during the prize presentation, our team's name was called at first place. What the fuuuuuck?! Surely there were other teams that scored more than us! What the hell!
The teacher-in-charge said it was because we sweat the most but still whaaaaaaat. Ah fuck it, I ain't complaining. I pinched myself the Doritoes from the prizes and proceeded to Bishan for Latin Dance smelling like man and sweat.

Can't escape Joe's grasp on male dancers. I'm busy with my FYP but she's still forcing me to perform next year. Ahhhhh bugger. God damn. I'm a terrible latin dancer lol

Gotta learn some Samba or Rumba or something. Lots of ass shaking. I can't seem to get it right. It's so... weird. Chacha and Jive were pretty straightforward but this dance needs real child-bearing hips and my hips and anything in between it only provide the ingredients!

Bah. Reached home, and then looked up ITE AMK's location just to be sure where it is and HOLY MOTHERFUCK it's like 4 bus stops away from my house. Like OMG YES. I can't wait to move to the new campus next year. TIME TO SLEEP LATE FUUUUCK YEAAAAAAAAAH