Some events happened last night, I don't really want to disclose. Basically a squabble over a small matter, then some words were thrown... I've found out I have a trauma of some sort.
It's words that pertain to uselessness or being a parasite. Whenever I hear words like that thrown at me I get this really dark feeling well up inside me and expand really quick. I'd feel extremely down, my fingertips would start tingling and my hands itself would shake. Back when I was in Secondary 3 I was called those words a lot, so it seems whenever I hear them I get brought back to that depression period. I hate it.
I couldn't sleep last night, so today was a real challenge to get through. Even now, my eyes are half-shut. Shirleen, Shi Hui, Zhi Xian and the rest got me a second surprise present. Which was the bag they promised before. Double. The. Surprise. OMG. It's so badass, a shark bag. I had one of those back in Secondary School but it tore when I had an argument with the discipline master. But this seems pretty damn sturdy, and it's purdy damn comfortable. The only issue is that it's unnecessarily big, but I'm sure I'll find some use for it. I wish I could've shown more emotion at the sight of it but I was way too tired and depressed to react.
May was really late for Latin Dance today. Man, I don't even like Latin Dance. She likes it even more than me and she's late. Like what. Why am I still in Latin Dance? A wise man said that doing 2 things you dislike a day is good for the soul. Latin Dance is one of them, I guess. I don't particularly enjoy myself, and I still fear touching females, so...
I reached home and I'm smiling and acting nice, but inside I'm still hurting, still angry, still depressed. But I don't want to give my mom any more trouble. She's been raising us alone all this while. Even if she's the one making me feel useless, I'm just going to have to act out a good boy in front of her. It's... the least I could do.
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