What are friends? The level of what people define as friends seem to change per person. As for me, friends are like people whom I can talk to when I have worries. That's pretty crucial. If I just have fun with you guys, you would just be good acquaintances. Well, that's how I define it, anyway. When one of the cliques I'm in (actually, I'm pretty much in all the cliques) asked me why I haven't been replying in Whatsapp, I had no answer. Truth is, I don't feel like I fit in. I had come up for excuses for myself like me being afraid of making them feel inferior (that's also part true), but as a whole, I just didn't feel like I fit in. A very odd feeling. I want friends. But I find it hard to form friendships. Some people casually do it, for me, it's somewhat more serious. Perhaps I'm just making life harder for myself by giving myself more requirements, but... AAAGH, it's hard to explain. I think it's really important. Deep down.
Back to making people feel inferior, I find myself at a lack of tasks to give the inexperienced Shirleen. If I could, I would give her Justin's job. Because he's lazy as hell. As much as I don't want to give him a hard time, he's been on the same assignment for 4 months now. He may have some pride as an artist, and I may have trampled over it with some hurtful words, but I really am frustrated with him, thinking being a dick in general is cool. Myself, I'm tasked with lots of 2D artwork, so... If only Shirleen could pick up some skill, maybe it'd be easier to give her work. She's waiting for work all the time. But I can't give anything to her because of the average skill level needed to keep up to our standards. I wonder how she's been feeling, all this time being in this group. *sigh* I feel really guilty. It's not just her. Even in today's Game Packaging mock test, I couldn't keep my bragging mouth shut, huh. As soon as I was done I had to fucking announce it. What a dumbass. No one needs to be reminded about how different I am from them. God dammit... I'm in this state where I really hate myself right now.
I found some old drawings in the cupboard. I've come a long way. I want to improve but I don't want to go on alone... Such a dilemma.
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