Flashback - HK Friendships

Friendships didn't build as I hoped it would on this trip though...
Shirleen and Zuhayr were on the same trip with me. We were grouped together with two other guys, Derrick and Haidar. I felt like finally, I could actually spend some good hang-out time with two of my better friends from class. But... as classes in Hong Kong started, seats were in rows of four. With Shirleen constantly bugging Zuh and Derrick and Haidar being in the same class, I was left to sit alone. I thought it okay for the first few days. But then it snowballed. I ended up spending up less and less time with them because really, really, really felt left out. They say loneliness activates the same part of your brain as pain. And there was this gripping pain in my chest for most of the days in Hong Kong. I hate being lonely the most, out of all the negativey emotions. By the time I actually got chances to sit together with them, their bond had gotten too strong. I felt really alienated even though I was with the group. They were laughing amongst themselves and I was just kind of... there.

So in this rut I socialized with the other students on this trip to make up for it. I made new friends, but even though I wanted to hang out with them, I wanted to hang out with Shirleen and Zuhayr more. And I was afraid that if I did, they'd see me as a traitor of a friend. But I didn't want to feel left out in their group either. Leaving me to just going solo many a time for the trip. Perhaps it was just me thinking too much. Shirleen said that I was super hyperactive to the point that she didn't want to talk to me. On hindsight, I might've been subconsciously seeking attention. Zuhayr was my roommate, and every night we did chat quite a bit. I suppose he kinda understood what I was going through but I guess there was no easy way to drag me back in when the walls have already been built. Our friendship grew a lot on this trip though, so it's quite an achievement for me. Shirleen seemed more relieved with the boring, quiet, critical me of Singapore though.
Could I have just been homesick and overthinking it too much? Might be. But the loneliness was definitely real. These experiences have made me just a little bit more conscious of human relationships...