1st June - Shrivel

Ugh, even though I told myself that getting a job would make me treasure my time more and that I'm willing to spend the time to earn money, but god damn I hate working. I'm just standing there in a non-creative environment not allowed to daydream because I have to pay attention and ughhh... It'd be damn wussy if I quit after a few days though. I really want to have my free time, but I want money too. When will a proper game design job roll in *sigh*

I spent the day after coming back from work reading and catching up on manga and I'm just like 'Shit, why aren't I drawing my manga.' I have to really start building my work ethic up. I need to really focus on what I want, and work towards it. Slacking and sitting back and relaxing is tempting as hell, but I'm going to have to truck through and make myself do it if I want to achieve anything. There are people out there, my age, who have achieved greater things because they refused to let it go. And here I am, just all talk. Fuck me, I gotta get moving.

Chatting with friends is fun though. According to rumors, people are getting jealous when I'm with Joey. Which is strange because Joey has a boyfriend, Shawn. So why are they jealous... of me? I'm a pal, I hang with Joey because we have quite a bit in common and we click really well because we can get really crazy about shit we like (also I introduced her to ONE OK ROCK and she likes it fuuuck yeah). I don't really wish to be part of the love tetrahedron that is this class. I reflected a bit over what makes up the foundation of my Logic-first, Feelings-last mindset. To build it, I had to focus on one goal. One thing in life that I wanted. Which was wanting to be the best game designer in the world. And focus solely on that. Make my life revolve around that. And everything else will seem so much less important it'd be on a scale you can just analyze and contemplate. My life revolves around my dream. Were something to happen to me, like permanent blindness or loss of my arms, that would impair me from achieving my dream, my life would stop right there and then. This is the gamble I've taken to become the me I am now. I just have to act on it.
Come on Calvin.