AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IDIOT CALVIN, YOU PANICKED AND FUCKED THAT UP!!!!
We all got our GPAs back today, and I... I did okay. Gavin and Justin, I don't know. Gavin probably did fantastic too, but... Shirleen... it dropped. Her score dropped by so much. I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault. I didn't task her enough, she didn't have enough to show. I beat myself up over the past few weeks, if you've noticed my previous posts.
I've felt guilty for so long now, troubling Shirleen, so I decided to call and apologize. And I had so much to say, but I panicked, fearing her reaction, and it sounded mostly me just whining sorry over and over again. And the stupidest, biggest slap on the face was: She said something that made so much sense and slapped me back to reality. 'It's already over, it can't be helped.' And... damn. I have wronged this smart witch of a girl and she can still access rational thought while I'm panicking like a little bitch. Man, I probably sounded like I was crying over the phone too. It would've seemed more manly if I had it in person, but I didn't have the balls. But it feels like now, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm probably gonna be made fun of for quite a while later, but... I don't mind. Forgiveness is the greatest gift I could have right now. I had been a shitty leader. I gave tasks to those I knew capable and didn't give others a chance to show it, and now I know the consequences.
I guess I can start enjoying hanging out as per normal now. God, and people told me not to think so much. Gah, so embarrassing!
Thanks, you smart bitch, Shirleen.
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