10th April - Dragging

Today was the Latin Dance performance. Today was hell because I stayed up until 5AM to design the Latin Dance flyers as well as photoshop my ID photo for NYP. And I had to wake up at 7PM. Still, I survived the Latin Dance performance with my mind intact and routine alright... kind of. During the performance, Kenji started off a beat early, bringing his partner with him, and Yiru, panicking at watching them go faster than us, began to rush. Normally I can drag her back to normal timing but her eyes this time weren't on me, but on Kenji, leaving me looking like the only one lagging behind even though I'm pretty confident my counts were correct. I suppose maybe I should've reassured Yiru beforehand. It's her first performance after all. *sigh* Quite a pity I was too sleepy to predict this possibly might happen.

Went back home and got to experimental cooking on mini pancakes for the picnic later. I felt like my mind was working on 10% power. Rushed down to Marina Barrage to meet up with the clique. I couldn't think of a lot to say, although usually I don't say a lot to begin with anyway. I still, even up til' now, feel... really out of place. It's a bit easier to talk to Yi Lin now though. On the way to the souvenir shop downstairs to look for shit, I chatted with her, and she has worries about Poly life too. Personal problems. A feelings talk. Rather than just light banter and jokes. I really enjoy conversations like this. So I do feel a little bit less awkward now, knowing I'm not the only one who has worries. After celebrating Yi Lin's early birthday, we moved our picnic stuff into the shade because it started raining, and got some glow sticks. I paid for the second batch, because I thought I should contribute a little more, and keeping friends requires sacrifices, after all. I can't keep being hyper-miserly when everyone else is okay with sharing. But the glowstick I got didn't glow. Everyone thought I was upset because I didn't get a nice glowstick, but it really was because I thought this glowstick really fit me. It reminded me on how blessed I am with bad luck, which is why I work hard to compensate for it. It glowed faintly, but it was mostly transparent, like how I try hard to be noticed, that's why I try to be flashy and interesting, but at the same time sometimes I choose to go unnoticed. Hmm...