15th May - Curves

I really shouldn't be online at this time of night, but recently because of Phillip DeFranco with his featuring of that SourceFed gal's underwear poster, and then going further into his channel to see his new hot intern as well features of Jessica Nigiri, Lisa Ramos and OOOOOOHHH MY GOD MELANIE IGLESIAS. She is sooooo fine. Phillip DeFranco has proven to me that you can be gentlemanly while appreciating hot chicks, and suddenly he's so much more of a role model for me.

Today was the first day of the Japanese Club's Manga division. They handed us a blank piece of paper and I drew on it myself, with extensive use of hatching and speed lines. Ink and everything. When some others saw it later on, they were all '*cries*', and it made me feel kind of unwelcome already. I mean, I know that they're impressed, but... with this, I've kinda set in stone my place where I can't fit in. They'll try to chill but they'll never be honest with me. This is one of the cons of being a 'perfect guy', huh...

This is really bringing up my insecurities all over again. I really am different. Isabelle said I'm always the advisor of the group, giving... well, advice to all the depressed little kiddies. True, but that's all I can do. Were there come a time a friend needs someone to feel sad for them, to be there with them, to support them, I... would be terrible at that. As much as logic frees me and opens up my mind to so many methods and processes, it also binds and chains me down from being able to feel as much as regular people do. This is probably how love appears like to me as well though. I've noticed when I'm with an attractive girl, I will notice them, I will try to get their attention, but when I'm alone and I think about it, I... feel so neutral towards it. Towards love. Towards relationships. I see couples talk about having fun together. I get jealous for awhile. Like, a moment. Then it's gone. Back to doing other stuff. I fear being alone forever yet I can't seem to see myself finding a girlfriend. I know that I shouldn't think so much about this 'feeling matter' but what if I do something stupid if I didn't? *sigh*
I need moneys too. Driving lessons are expensive. I want to buy shit. But that's expensive too.