17th May - Dependence

After handing up our assignments after school today, the party took on the daily ritual of going to my house every Friday. Ashley wanted to watch me play Assassin's Creed 3 and fail badly at it, so I obliged. Assassin's Creed is fun, but I can't bring myself to finish the game ever LOL It's really big, I want to do every single side quest, it takes forever. Ashley kicked the open disc button on the Xbox shortly after, and we switched to WarioWare for a short round and then Super Smash Bros. Brawl shortly after, getting the others to play too. I'm actually surprised that they would, normally when I try to recommend Brawl to anyone I fail pretty badly. Lots of screaming, lots of laughing, these are the best ways to play fighting games XD

When they left later, a most peculiar thing happened when I hugged Syai goodbye. It... may have been just me, I couldn't tell because of all the hair, but she might have... kissed my neck? I feel a pressure at the side of my neck, and I didn't know what to think. It's not like I'm disgusted or hate it or anything, it's just... now I feel more confused about what to do. This lass is dependent on me. I don't return her feelings, yet if I don't show minimally this much attention to her, she gets on unstable trains of thought and might even spiral down to suicide. Her life has become my responsibility. Uwah, it's a lot of pressure, being responsible for someone else's life. It never ends with me, huh. The girls that like me are those that are emotionally dependent. I mean, I know that relationships are about depending on each other, but when it's a one-way street, there's just so much pressure on one end, it's terrible. If I were in a relationship like that, I'd be too uncomfortable worrying about what to say, rather than enjoying the relationship. Several people in my class are so dependent on other people to build an image of themselves, rather than doing it themselves. I hope they can learn to build their own image, their existence becoming dependent on their own willpower.

Someone in Singapore has found my blog. I'm now a bit insecure. Someone googled my blog address. Uwah, it was supposed to be secret, how did anyone find it?! Who is it? God damn, AAAAAA