Today seemed to pass fine. Syai was awkward at first, but my super casual skills mellowed her out. I didn't see her for the first half of the day because she was called away by the teach. I hanged out with the clique with the new addition of Jeff, who fought me in Pokemon last night, and won some and lost some. He's actually a pretty cool guy, I found out we actually play a lot of the same games. Awesome.
The rest of it was me spending time trying to compose a rap for Comm Skills and a script for Social Etiquette. Composing music is actually some hard shit. But at least I know how Epic Rap Battles makes their rhymes now. It's not actually as long as it sounds. But blegh, rhyming. After I saw Syai, I passed her some Vaseline to coat her cuts, after the explaining to the rest of my classmates who knew what the other common use of Vaseline is.
Well, the main thing is that we're still friends. She's a bit more affectionate now, but our friendship isn't jeopardized. I'm a bit worried about other ladies not wanting to approach me now because they want to give Syai space. I mean, sure I'm not hunting for a relationship at the moment, like I've said many times. But if I'm going to wait like a year or two, by then if this keeps up everyone might have found targets elsewhere than the guy that turned down Syai because they wanted to respect their sis.
Ayye... The negative feelings are flowing back again. Must've been the mention of me being a perfect guy. I'm lonely. Not just in relationships, but in the world. I can't find an equal quite like me. And it's... so upsetting. I act like I'm always happy, but I let my mind slip from optimistic thoughts for one moment, and all this self-hate comes back. Maybe everyone else's pity-fishing depression is affecting me all over again.
I'm starting a new habit of spending an hour on the bass and one hour drawing every day. I need to spend time on things that matters once again
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