23rd May - Leverage

I am so pissed. I haven't been angry in such a long time, and here I am fuming the fuck out now. Well, actually I cooled down after a few rounds of S4 League, but it still pissed me off, what happened today.

Design Fundamentals class was put off, probably due to the teacher's illness, so we took the time to go the library to discuss our Comm Skills project. In the process, I noticed Syai writing a note, so I looked over her shoulder to inspect it. From the content, it seemed to be a letter supposedly addressed to me. She chucked it later, so I didn't get to see it. I mean, I could've dug into the bin and fetched it to read, but I didn't feel like pulling up the ruse to do it. What could I possibly do even if I did read it? I suppose this started my volatile mood for the rest of the day though. If still being friendly towards Syai bolsters her feelings, then by logic I should avoid her. But that would be jerky, and also would probably toss her into a cycle of self-hate. I am so torn. Everyone's always telling me to console her whenever she is down. To hug her when she's burying her head in her arms. But what about me? Is she really the only victim here? I have to play a ruse, and act, and feel guilty about it afterwards? That's my purpose?

Storyboarding class is what really ticked me off. Apart from Ms. Gail being a grand bitch to begin with, with her self-praise and her baseless criticisms, the fact that she began to take on favoritism really ticked me off. And not only that, it was of Bryan. God fucking dammit. We've all followed her instructions because we thought she wanted us to follow her teaching pace, and then when this grand fucking idiot goes out and does something not only extra, but unnecessary, she praises him for being fast and ahead of everyone?! FUCK. And she asks for a piece of paper from me to photocopy, I thought it'd be for the class. She photocopied a whole stack just for that grand idiot. I was just used as a stepping stone. Some people may think I'm just being too proud, but fuck, THAT TRAMPLED ALL OVER MY PRIDE AS AN ARTIST. Not only losing to this ass, but take my resources and use it on him. FUCKING HELL! When Joey and Isabelle got into a mess with the photocopier, she decided NOT to go and help them, for reasons such as 'she'll get angry at me too' BITCH you're a teacher, you have so much more leverage than students. You have students that might have to part with $140 because of a misunderstanding, and you're only concerned about keeping your own fucking job?! I am just fueled with hatred towards that Irish bitch now.