Today I was let slip by my friends that Syai likes me. And she knew. She knew that they let me know. She knew that I know. And so she got really depressed. Maybe it's because now that I know I ruined the moment. Or maybe it's because she felt betrayed by her friends. Either way, it's not their fault. I mean, I kinda figured it back then. I played dumb all this time because, well, if you liked someone, would you want them to know when you're not ready to let it be known? This event was to happen eventually, anyway. It was inevitable. Although I wasn't really sure what to do. I don't reciprocate. I can't reciprocate. Joey said I had too high standards, and I suppose I have to agree. That my fucked up analytic mind measures the pros and cons way too much for me to even judge by my feelings. Still, I tried my best to comfort her. She's my friend. And even though this event happened, no matter how it happened, and this result were to occur, she would've wanted things to be the same, and I'll respect that. Honestly, you'd really have to be a dick to start shunning a girl after she has confessed to you. Well, uh, I suppose I'm guilty of that too, but I didn't like the company of that other girl before she confessed to me anyway. Ugh. Yeah, Calvin, you're a real hypocrite.
After the emotional outbursts, I managed to get back on regular talking and joking terms with her. Many of them questioned 'What am I going to do now? How will you treat Syai?' And I told them all the same thing. That nothing will change. They worry about her falling harder for me, but if I had to choose between her unrequited admiration and being a dick, I'd definitely choose the former. But hohoho, from this event Joey said that I'm like the perfect guy, in looks, personality, everything. Awww, that's such a compliment. I know I have a chock full of flaws within. I just can't describe them. And besides, the perfect guy is not what any girls wants. They want someone with obvious flaws like them, so they can compliment each other. I'm just a novelty at this point, with all the skills and abilities I had trained and obtained over these years. It's quite upsetting, really.
Oh boy, it seems like my life is revolving around love all over. Time for me to steer it back to my pursuit of being a Game Designer.
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